Tuesday, August 2, 2016

I wish to be a yoginis

Practice yoga sometimes, how many year? Sorry I lost count. May be actively practice like 3-4 years?? I not sure. Recently, I back on tread. Try to get the flexibility after almost 1 year of stopping it. Yea, I get some back. I am happy.

But things doesn't really go well. 

Being a SLE patient for more than 10 years, I really miss the time when it was fully under control, and I can actively do whatever I like. I had taking prednisolones in my life for more than 10 years, high dose, low dose, all I been through before. However, it wasn't really that wonderful.  

The 8th year of my SLE life, my rheumatic problem getting not under control that even under medication, I have to experience the pain every month. And right now, it come out another reason for the rheumatic pain could be due to the side effects of the drugs I had been taken all these while. Is not about SLE anymore as the trend of the blood test result is same.

I am frustrated, really so frustrated. Everytime when it pain, I have to stop yoga or any physical workout. Weak joints just stopping to do any stronger poses like hand stand, is an impossible pose for me to try on. Especially nowadays, the pain happen too frequent until when I read through my diary, up of 30 days in a month, I experienced the pain for 15 - 20 days. 

What is the quality of life? And I am just 29 this year. How long or I should ask how worse it will turn in future?

Selena Gomez also a SLE patient. Peoples in the public including your doctors just see you as a normal well-being. When pain, I have to force myself to walk like normal to avoid any question out there because is really tired to explain to peoples who have no idea about what is SLE. 

May be I am just not the lucky one... 

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