losing myself

feel want to have a blog for long...
finally i have my first post today...
it is sorry to say that my first blog is all about emo stuff neh...
anyway...it is just a way to release out my feeling...

I have bad luck since i was started my final year in uni..
no matter is in study, thesis, hostel or any other small matters...
still remember the first week of my final year first sem...
when my friend told me who is my supervisor of my thesis...
that was really a bad bad bad news for me...
千选万选，希望不会选到那间lab的lecturer...
but finally i still get the lecturer there...

Anyway, I still need to continue even though having a lot of troubles...
when every one busy with their thesis and lab...
i was waiting for my chemicals and facing the problem of the growth of bacteria...
supervisor dun want to buy me the chemicals i need...
ok, i use my own money to buy...
but finally the bacteria failed to grow...wasted~!!
end up before Chinese new year....
supervisor give me a new topic...

alright...
thought this topic might be easier for me to get the result and settle my thesis...
who know problem came again and again...
machine problem la, gel too dry la, sample bottle broken la etc...
work hard and repeat for three weeks...
end up my senior gave me a bad news...
that was the chemicals ordered few months before having some mistakes in the procedure and have to resend the request...so sweat!!
now only left less than 1 month time...
what for resend?that was too late...

during the meeting with supervisor...
he asking me why i so many problems...
1st topic the bacteria failed to grow, 2nd topic dun have the chemical...
*smack*
if i know why i dun need to so fAn la k~
no choice...have to change another topic again~!
give me two topics to choose....
he ask me to choose but i just keep quiet...
i have NO IDEA which one is better...
end up he suggest 1 of them for me and i just accept without any consideration...
he scold me by saying:''you what also okay only"
i was feeling stress and losing temper and answer in bad mode "i have no idea already k"
Supervisor also stress when saw me like this and keep shake his head...>.<''

after get this new topic... i was like losing all my mood...

i dun feel want to do dun feel want to think anymore...

it is tired neh..

when looking every one almost settle their thesis even some of them already done...

i know all these for some of you is just small case....

and even some will think that im not mature enough and only know to emo... so what?

it is a small matter for some people but doesn't mean for EVERY one...

what is small what is big? how to differentiate? i donno~!!

for few months before I can cheer up after emo 1 or 2 days...

but this time i donno how to cheer up myself...

what ever words heard in my ears are just useless...

some words some more make me feel worse... what to do?

just quiet myself enough la...

in front of other i still the same ...

can laugh can joke but how different in my heart only myself know the most...